| Weekend recap - (you do care, I know) Friday -
Went to the IMAX at the MN ZOO for the 10:00 showing of "300." I purchased the tickets in advance for a group of 6 MEN (capitalized for increased testosterone levels) and we decided to meet at a local Friday's restaurant for dinner and drinks, movie to follow. So we did the drinking and the eating thing, much hilarity ensued. We are funny folks. This is not so important to tell you though, as is the story of the Gypsy Hostess and the Power Glove Server. Divine. One of the hostesses was a dirty blonde angel dressed all in black. This did not strike me as odd as all of the hostesses were dressed the same. I will also tell you that she had the cutest little gypsy butt that I have ever seen. We named her "The Gypsy" because of her semi-crimped, semi-failed-dreadlock hair and her cold eyes. Not cold as in sucking your soul out of your body with her stare, but cold like she's seen much more than anyone of us could really imagine so she's a bit hardened, but still holding onto the idea of innocence. I believe we decided she could be softened again through a series of massive orgasms, and not one of us shied from the challenge. No one had sex with her, but we all wanted to. Especially her little gypsy butt. Enough. There was also a man with a mullet, though none of us fancied him sexually as we did the gypsy. Instead, we admired him greatly. For he was a man with a mullet and a swagger, and this swagger, we deducted, was a direct result of the awe-inspiring "Power Glove" he wore on his right hand. When this "Power Glove" was combined with the radio headset (antenna included) and purple sunglasses, it was enough, we believe, to make him a kind of superhero. Although in this case, instead of saving lives, he really just carried numerous hot plates because they didn't burn his skin through the glove. At one point in the evening, an elderly gentleman approached our superhero and politely asked to inspect his apparti.(s/p?). Not only did our superhero oblige him, but he offered the glove and headset to the gentleman, who, to his credit, calmly and without hesitation affixed them to his person and returned to his table. I, nay, we believe that a full transfer of power would have required the sunglasses also, but we are not experts on such matters. Although, it did become increasing obvious throughout the evening that our superhero did possess the ability to shoot blue-colored lightning bolts from the tips of his power glove hand. (The fingers were cut out, thus allowing an escape for the lightning.) Needless to say, we were all very impressed. Following our experience at Friday's, we made our caravan to the Zoo. We arrived roughly 15 minutes prior to the screening and instantly realized our mistake. Five to six hundred people had also purchased tickets in advance and outsmarted us by arriving much earlier than we did. We took our seats in the second row and began to understand that the second row at a movie showing on an IMAX screen is, in fact, a version of hell. Though still impressive, I do believe I missed half the movie because the 6-story screen was so tall, and wide, that were I looking directly to the middle of the screen, I could not see top nor bottom, not to mention either end. It was not a bad movie, but I will have to rent it at a later date. Half way through the movie my ass was asleep from scooting to the edge of the seat and craning my neck upward, and my neck and knee hurt so bad I could hardly drive home. Saturday -
I bought a new car. Well, used, but it's new to me as I'd never driven it before. A 2006 Chevy Malibu, in green, tan interior. It's a bit of an old man car, but considering my nickname of "Grandpa" I believe it will work. Saturday evening my brother called and invited me to go bowling with him, his friend Jonas, and his father and mother-in-law. Seem strange? It's not. My brother's wife was at a vagina party with Jonas' girlfriend (really it's a candle party, but we call it a vagina party because we have no desire to ever, ever, ever be at one and if boys went to it, they really wouldn't have a penis - you understand) and I do not have a fair lady, so we went bowling. The only "alley" that had open bowling at such a time was in Brooklyn Park, a fairly, shall we say...."urban" environment. My brother wears a hat every day. He's a hat guy. His father-in-law works in trucking, and lives outside the city where he can shoot geese from the side of his garage while drinking beer and wearing coveralls. He is, incidentally, also a hat guy. So at 7 pm, there is an announcement made by the employees of said bowling alley requiring that all hats and do-rags be taken off. Apparently, they've had so much gang activity there that they have banned hats entirely after 7 pm on Fridays and Saturdays. Ridiculous. However, they do not check these hats at the door, instead they allow them to enter and then hope that the wandering employees can find them and make any violators remove them. My brother's father-in-law actually proved very adept at this mission, as he approached the counter multiple times throughout the evening to inform those in charge of "hat violations." By 9:00, all he had to do was look at the counter, make eye contact, point at a criminal, and the axe of justice would swiftly be brought down upon those who dared break the law of the bowling alley. For the record, I think banning hats is stupid. Sunday -
I played with my car, ran a few errands, watched The Prestige, and managed to bathe. I am taking great pride in my lack of productivity today. The End. |
